Think Different Theory

What is Love? The Three Types


Happy Valentines Day! In this episode I talk about True Love, the three different types of Love, what are the differences, and the characteristics of “Valentines Day Love”.


These concepts are always important, but especially on this day set aside to celebrate love! I cover what the three different types of love are, and how those are played out in every day life. I hope to give you a great reminder of goals to strive for in your relationships as you show love to the people you care about.

Here are the key topics discussed in this episode::

  • What the three types of love are (5:46)
  • The finer points of patience in love (11:45)
  • It’s not envious or jealous (12:35)
  • Pride and love (13:45)
  • It’s not self-seeking (14:15)
  • Love isn’t easily angered (15:00)
  • The truth and love (15:54)
  • Love always hopes (17:50)
  • Love always wins (18:14)


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February 14, 2019


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What is love? It’s Valentine’s Day we’re dropping this episode on Valentine’s Day. What is love? What does that even look like? I really want to discuss that on this episode because I think that so many people don’t even know what love is and in celebration of this amazing holiday let’s talk about love.

What’s going on guys welcome back to another episode of The Think Different Theory. My name is Josh Forti. And let’s get a little love going in here today.

We are on episode number 26 and it is a very special Valentine’s Day episode of The Think Different Theory and I want to talk today about the word of the day, which is love. Happy Valentine’s Day out there to all of my couples, all my couple listeners out there, give each other a big smooch and tell each other how much you love each other. And for all of you single folks out there, don’t do anything stupid today just because you’re single. All right, be smart, and know that your time is coming. And quite honestly, it’s just as awesome to be single as it is to be in a relationship at times. I love the relationship that I’m in. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong there. But that being said, like, awesome things about being single. So just your time is coming. Your time is coming.


Alright, so let’s dive in here guys because I actually have no idea whether this is going to be a long or short episode. But I really want to talk about what love is because I think that in today’s society that we think that you know, love is, oh, we had sex a bunch of times and we have good positive feelings for each other. I love her. I love him. And I kinda like I’m gonna make this more from a guy’s angle. But this applies very much to both guys and girls here as we go through this episode and I actually, I really want to talk about the discussion of love. All right, like what love actually means. But before I do that, I want to take one quick step back and talk to the guys here for just one quick second.


Dear Gentlemen, I have four sisters. I also have a mother and I have a girlfriend and let me tell you a little secret about Valentine’s Day. Okay, Valentine’s day is the day that you do things that are very romantic and over the top for your girlfriend. If you are not the type of person that does over the top romantic things, today is the day that you become that person. Today is the day that you go out of your way. I don’t care who you are to make sure your girlfriend feels loved. Get her roses, get her chocolate, give her the teddy bear. Whatever it is, make sure you get her a card. Make sure today she feels loved. If she tells you she doesn’t need it, she’s lying.

Do it anyway, go over and above to make sure that she is loved and taken care of and that she feels that. Take her to dinner, spend the money even if you don’t have a lot of it. Show her that you love her because it’s what she deep down actually wants. Even the most unromantic people in the world love Valentine’s Day and even if they hate Valentine’s Day they secretly really want to be loved on Valentine’s Day because they know that’s the day that you’re supposed to do it. So, it’s typical advice and I know that it’s Valentine’s Day and then I’m talking kind of little sarcastically here whatnot but I’m being very, very dead serious. Go and take the time to show love to your girlfriend and make her feel loved and appreciated.


And ladies, you can thank me later for this, but also make sure your boyfriend feels love too. You know, like, I know it’s primarily a woman focus day but you know the guy might appreciate, you know something here there. My girlfriend actually, I can’t tell you what I’m doing for my girlfriend because I’m recording this beforehand and we’re still working out the final details may be on a future episode or I’ll tell you what I did. If you hit me up on Instagram @JoshForti and send me a DM. But my girlfriend for me part of my Valentine’s Day present was she bought me AMC championship tickets to watch the Patriots play. That was my birthday and Valentine’s Day present. Let me just say best birthday/Valentine’s Day present ever so good. So not saying you have to go spend tons and tons of money like that, but do something that shows love there. Okay. All right. So Happy Valentine’s Day to everybody.


Let’s dive into the episode and actually talk about what love actually means because I think that there’s a very distorted view of love. Now as we dive in. I want to preface this by saying I’m a Christian. And so I want to take a view on love that, I don’t want to get too religious with it because I think that that’s going to turn some people off. But I want to say that I believe that God is love because that’s what the Bible says it is.

And so it’s really, really hard for me to separate the two of them but there is there are a couple different types of love and so I want to break down what those there’s three different types of love, actually. And I want to break down what those three different types of love are and talk about each one of them and really show you like, Hey, this is what love is, it’s not the sex and the kisses. It’s not the oh I have good feelings about this person. But like really what are the attributes of love.


So there are three different types of love that I kind of want to go over here today and they are, and I apologize I might kind of butcher the names of these a little bit, but it’s eros, agape and philos love. Alright, so eros, agape and philos love. All right. They are spelled for those of you that want to look it up and prove me wrong on the pronunciation. E-r-o-s: eros love. Agape: A-g-a-p-e love. And philos love, which is p-h-i-l-o-s love.

All right, I want to go over the three different types of love here. And we’re going to be focusing primarily today on eros love because that’s the type of love that is the love of Valentine’s Day. But I want to break down what each one of these is, and then really kind of dive into an eros level a little bit further. So let’s get started eros love. This is the first type of love and it’s actually Greek.

It’s a Greek term which means like desire or longing. Okay, so this is the type of love that is between two people in a relationship format, right? So sexual desire, longing to be with each other, the longing and the love that you have in a relationship. And so this is the type of love that you’re going to feel on Valentine’s Day, this is the type of love that you’re going to have towards your significant other, your husband or your wife.


And there’s a lot of really cool attributes that go into this type of love. And we’re going to get to those a little bit further in detail. As we kind of explore this a little bit further throughout the podcast episode. The second type of love is called agape love.

Now agape love is a biblical term and it represents the divine love that God has towards his son and towards us as human beings and it’s the type of love that we have towards all humans in general.  So like I have a love and a passion and desire to help humans as a whole right and make the world a better place and when I see someone on the street hurting and I want to help them and I have a connection to them that the love of people the love of you know us as humans as a whole that’s agape love. Alright it’s the love that says I love the, you know, my brother in Christ I love well I mean for me it is in Christ, but it’s the love of all people. And it’s the love that we have towards the community and towards congregation and towards people in general.


And then the last type of love is called philos love, which is the unique kind of love that you have towards like someone that you would love is like a brother or a sister. Right? So like, let’s say you have a really good close friend and you just love the crap out of them. Like you love them as a brother, you love them as a sister. That’s the philos love all right. And that’s the type of love where it’s like you’re my best friend in the entire world. It’s not like you know, I have sexual desires or feelings towards you. I just love the crap out of you. I would die for you. You’re like a brother or a sister to me you’re family right. That’s philos love.


And so it’s very important that we have these three different types of love and that we understand the three different types of these loves because they all serve very important purposes. If you didn’t have the philos love and all that you had was agape love and eros love so you have the ability to be in a relationship and you’d love everybody but you wouldn’t have your best friend right? You would not add the ability to, to really love someone and just love the crap out of them, be willing to die for them without being in a relationship with them. And if you only had agape love and eros love, you wouldn’t have a love and pride of congregation, of community, of other people’s, of a body of people and the love to make the world a better place.


And then obviously, if you didn’t have eros love, then there would be no sexual desire, there would be no relationships and life will just kind of all around suck, like we’d love people. And we love the crap out of people. But that’s all it would ever go. And so the three of these loves working together we experience on for most of us a daily basis, but for sure, like weekly, monthly and you know, lifetime basis we experience these three different types of love and there are characteristics of all love. But I really want to focus on the Eros love and what that specifically looks like and the characteristics of that.


Now, whether you’re religious or not, you may have heard of the verse 1 Corinthians 13 :4-7. All right, it’s very, very famous. And it’s one of those things where I’m going to quote this because it’s just so true to what love is. And I think it very much accurately describes that. And as you’re sitting there gazing into the eyes of the one that you love today, hopefully and and just having a really good day with them, which I hope you are you got to remember these things because in today’s society with all of the songs and the mainstream music and pop culture has basically taken love and made it like I have good feelings for you. And I want to bang you right? Like that’s essentially what love is. And it just it sucks.

That is that way because that’s not what love is. And there’s so much more to it than that because ultimately, as we’re going to find out here, love is a sacrifice. When you marry someone, when you’re in a relationship with someone, it is the ultimate form of sacrifice. It just is and it’s that thing that you’ve got to die to self, you’ve got to die to your expectations and you’ve got to love someone so passionately, and doing that takes the sacrifice of your own expectations and desires and aligning it with theirs and putting them before you that actual true love and so many people are not willing to do that. And it’s the reason that I personally take relationships so seriously because so many people don’t take them seriously and they think that they don’t have to sacrifice so that love is just a bunch of hunky dory good feelings are that love is always positive and that love never fights or any of those things and it’s just it’s not true love is so much bigger than that. And so I want to read off not the verse specifically but the highlights and the key points that it makes.


All right so I’m just gonna read through them here that we can get a break down each one quickly as we wrap it up. First off, love is patient, okay. It just is. If you are in a relationship with someone and you’re not patient with them, you are not loving them. If you are patient with them, then you are loving them. And so be patient with the person that you love. Because that is love. Love is kind. Kindness, very similar to patience, but it refers to how we treat each other. Okay? So you got to be kind to the other person. Don’t be mean. Don’t be, you know, harsh to them. Don’t be rude to them, like, treat them with kindness and treat them with well, love, but it’s very gentle and soft. And it portrays that feeling and that vibe of kindness.


Love does not envy or get jealous and what I mean by this and what it means by the specifically is love is, it doesn’t look at another person if you love them and go well, you know, I’m better than you right? I envy what you have, or you shouldn’t have those things if I don’t have them. It’s not like displeased when that other person has an accent experience that you didn’t experience yourself. It’s not envious of them and not jealous of them. But it’s proud for them. It’s and it’s excited for them that they got to experience that.


If the other person that you’re in love with got to experience something in their life or go through something rather than being jealous or envious, that they got to do it, it’s very exciting for them and happy for them. Love does not boast. Love is not going around and bragging that you’re better than the other person. If you’re sitting around constantly putting down your loved one or the person that you’re in a relationship with. Or boasting about how great you are. That is not love. That, it’s just not. You are one, you are together and you’re in this relationship together.


Love is not proud. Okay. Love is not like, there’s a balance between self-confidence and an actual pride but like when you are arrogant and full of yourself in a relationship, that’s not love. That’s like anti-love. Love is submission. Love is a sacrifice. Love is putting the other person first. And if you’re proud, you’re not putting the other person first. And you’re not sacrificing.


Love is not self-seeking. Pretty self-explanatory here, but it’s putting the other person first. It’s putting the needs the desires in the ones of somebody else first. And remember when you’re in a healthy relationship. And when both parties truly love each other, you’re both putting the desires and goals and ambitions of the other person first, you’re both going and collectively working together to drive the other person forward and taking into account their needs, their wants, their goals and desires and working together to achieve them. So this is not just a one-way street. It’s not like you have to give up everything and never have to go out and you know, chase your goals and dreams but it’s both of you, keeping in mind the goals and ambitions of the other person in that relationship that you are in


Love is not easily angered. Once again, patient, not easily upset. Love keeps no records of wrongs is another way to say love forgives if you are constantly holding a grudge towards the person that you’re in a relationship with or the person that you love, if you’re there keeping a record of their wrongs, if you’re there like keeping a scorecard in your relationship that just breeds unhealthiness. It’s just wrong and it’s a recipe for disaster you can’t possibly continue to get ahead and grow as a couple if you are constantly going out there and keeping score. And I know that in my relationship personally like my girlfriend and I, we try to go and instead of like keeping score of who’s better, we try to go and complement each other on the things that we’re doing right and focus on the collective things that we can do better together.


Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Now, this is more of one that might not be specifically related to relationships, but it applies very heavily to relationships. You should always celebrate the truth. You should celebrate when evil or wrong dies or is exposed. And the truth is brought to light because that helps you be on the path that you need to be on and gives you the clarity that you need to move forward. Love always protects. If you’re not willing to protect the other person. And I don’t just mean physically then you don’t really love them.

You’ve got to put them before you. You’ve got to sacrifice that and you’ve got to say, I will willing to protect you. No matter what it takes. Especially men, men, I’m looking at you right now. I’m speaking to you. Be the man. Protect your girlfriend. Protect your wife. Protect your family. Love them with all that you have and keep them protected. Keep them away from danger and away from harm and away from shame. Okay and protect them from evil, protect them from wrong, protect them from negative energy, alright? These things are so super important.


Love always trusts and this one is big and this one is so hard. It’s especially hard if you’ve been burned in past relationships. And I know for me, like, it was really hard for me to trust again, it was really hard for me to actually trust in a relationship because if you’ve been burned, if you’ve been heartbroken, if your trust has been broken with someone else, it’s really hard to give that next person the benefit of the doubt. But you’ve got to be able to give someone the benefit of the doubt. You’ve got to be able to see the best in others. And you’ve got to be able to trust that they have good intentions. And if you can’t trust that if you can’t believe them, then you shouldn’t be in that relationship. You’ve got to be able to trust them otherwise it’s not love.


Love always hopes and I think this one is so simple and so powerful. When you love someone like, you’re hopeful. You’re positive. You collectively together can hope for the best and see the bright side of things and fill each other up with good vibes and happiness and pushing each other to be in that positive state of mind.


And then love never fails. It is one of those things where this is the kind of love that goes like beyond what we can understand. Like, what you have to understand is that love is so powerful, it’s at the center of the universe. And whether you’re completely religious or not religious at all. We all can recognize and understand that love is the center of the universe. Love is what holds us all together. And love is the thing that no matter what we go through, no matter what we do, no matter who we are, no matter what situation that we are in love is always going to win. Love is always the answer when this is true, in and out of a relationship.


This is true with all types of love all three types of levels that we talked about today. This is true, it never fails, there will never be a time in your life for as long as you are alive, that love is not there that love cannot be brought into the situation. And where love does not make the situation better. It always does. It is the answer. And if we loved more as a society, and if we loved more as a culture, and we loved each other, and we loved our friends and family, and we love our loved ones, our spouses, our boyfriends or girlfriends, and we love those around us, the world would collectively be better.


And so this Valentine’s Day, remember that love is not about what you can get out of a relationship. But what you get to give to that relationship. What both parties get to give to that relationship and love is what drives us forward. And when there is love and when there is sacrifice and when there is putting somebody else’s goals and priorities in front of our own. That is what it’s all about. That is what love is and that is how you express love to somebody else. Not by buying them a new car. Not by the roses, not by the sex, not by the, you know, feelings of whatever it is, you know, the kissing and the affection. All those things are awesome. Sex is awesome. Kissing is awesome. Buying new things are awesome. Roses are a great way, roses and chocolate, especially on Valentine’s Day, are a great way to show love and affection.


But anybody can go out and buy roses and a teddy bear or, you know, give someone a good experience for a day. That’s a way to show love. But that is not love. Love is far deeper than that. And today on Valentine’s Day, I just want to encourage you, take some time to really think about why you’re in the relationship that you’re in how much you love that other person and ask yourself am I really loving this person? And if the answer’s no, then change that change the acts that you’re doing make sure that you’re showing love make sure that you’re sacrificing and doing for them what needs to be done. It goes both ways. Alright.


I hope this was a much-needed conversation. I hope that this was refreshing for a lot of you guys to hear, both guys and girls. And I hope that this brought some light to what true love actually is. And hopefully can start to mend or heal some broken relationships and continue to strengthen relationships that are out there that are healthy. Remember these things, these are important. These are things that I have to remind myself every single day. And if I don’t remind myself that the day is bad, the day goes poorly. I’ve constantly got to go and put the people that I love’s priorities and goals and objectives over my own. Not that I can’t have my own, but you’ve got to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing and what it means to love those around you.


Alright, guys, I love you all. And that is not the type of love or not eros love but that is the agape love that I have towards all of you guys. I just appreciate you all so much. Thank you so much for subscribing. Thank you so much for listening for downloading and for being part of the Think Different Movement or Think Different Theory Movement. If you know someone that needs to listen to this episode today if you know someone that needs to hear this or that could really benefit from this please share it out with them. Share what you learned here because love is what makes the world go around and love is what’s ultimately going to make the world a better place. Go spend time with your loved ones. Guys, buy that rose, take her out to dinner, make her feel loved. I love you all and I will see you on next episode.

Take it easy fam. Peace.