Think Different Theory

Is Taking Time to Heal a Sign of Weakness?

WHAT IS THIS EPISODE ABOUT?

In this episode, I talk about the healing process I am going through with everything that has gone on in my life recently. From the death of my brother, how that has affected my life, my work, my beliefs, and the struggles I went through to being okay with taking time to heal.

WHY SHOULD I LISTEN?

For a while, I wrestled with thinking that taking a step back and time to process/heal was a bad thing or showed weakness. I’m going to give into what I did to work through that, and what I am doing now. Hopefully that will motivate you to take do something about dealing with and eliminating whatever pain, grief or emotional challenge that you may be going through.

Here are the key topics discussed in this episode:

  • Does everyone else seem to have it all together except for you? (01:17)
  • Learning by sharing (03:36)
  • Needing some distraction from the heartbreak and pain (05:41)
  • Changing perspective and figuring out what most important in life (09:07)
  • Focusing on healing and self-improvement (14:30)
  • We hold ourselves to higher standards than is necessary (17:50)
  • Aligning your purpose and what you’re supposed to be doing (19:41)
  • Setting up business systems that can allow you to take a step back for yourself (22:12)

WHERE CAN I LEARN MORE?

Be sure to follow me on the below platforms:

Subscribe to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Stitcher.

Instagram @joshforti

Facebook

YouTube

WHEN DID IT AIR?

May 27, 2019

EPISODE LINKS:

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You can find the transcripts and more at www.thinkdifferenttheory.com/69

You can find this episode plus all the previous episode here.

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If you haven’t already, please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts!

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

00:00          The Transcript Is Auto Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

00:00          I was hurting. I was overwhelmed. I was exhausted. I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore, but I had convinced myself that everything had to be okay. Because if I wasn’t okay, then I was weak. And because other people had gone through similar things that I had gone through, and they had gotten through it just fine, and if I didn’t get through it just fine. If I had to take time off or take a step back, then I wasn’t strong. I was weak and something must be wrong with me. And it wasn’t until…y

00:36          You are now entering a new paradigm.

00:36          So, here’s my issue. I wanted to find the answers to life’s biggest questions. Things like, how do I become happy and live with purpose? How do I make more money doing what I love, and what does it mean to be truly successful in all areas of life? My name is Josh Forti, @JoshForti on Instagram, and I ask life’s biggest questions and share the answers with you. My goal is to help you find purpose, happiness, and open your mind to new realms of possibility by helping you think differently about everything you do, know, and understand. On this podcast, we think different, we dream bigger, and we live in a world without limits. This is a new paradigm. Welcome to The Think Different Theory.

01:17          What’s up guys? Welcome back to another episode of The Think Different Theory. My name is Josh Forti. And have you ever felt like, it seems that everybody else has it all together except for you? Because my gosh, I will tell you, over the past couple of months, since… you know, Kyle dying and just so many… so many crazy things happening in my life. I looked around and I’m like, “Sometimes I just feel like everybody has it together, but me. And sometimes I feel like some of the things that I’m going through in life, nobody else has to deal with, or that they’re dealing with it way better than I am, or like how do they push through problems that arise in life?” And it’s just… it’s crazy because it amazes me how many people really do appear to have it all together. But more than that, it amazes me how many people never actually like, take time off, to actually make sure that they are okay, and how many people are not self aware enough to know when they do need a break, and to have like, self care and self healing, and like, so many other different topics or whatever, and actually want to talk about that today.

02:16          And that’s going to be, kind of the topic of conversation for this episode, because it’s been something that’s really, really hit me hard in the last nine weeks. And I want to… I want to tell you about and kind of dive in a little bit further, about some of the things that I’m doing, and some drastic, drastic changes that I have done in my life to… you know, really take a step back and to evaluate things, and to really make a really big shift at a pivotal time in my life. And I want to share that journey with you so that you can all… or so that you can learn from it, and that you can apply this to your life, if maybe you’re in this time frame of your life where you’re at this time, or when you do inevitably get to a time like this that you can see what I have done, and maybe learn from that and hopefully benefit from that there.

02:57          So, welcome back to the program. It is going to be a good episode today, at least I hope. I guess I haven’t recorded it yet, so I can’t tell, but they’re usually pretty good. In a good mood. I’m looking out right now. It’s just a gorgeous and beautiful day out today, and I have a lot to be thankful for. So, let’s dive in, because as I uncover this, I’m getting more and more into… should I say better and better at trying to tell stories through things. And so, I kind of want to share with you my life story, and kind of… and not on this episode, but like, part of my life, what’s going in my life right now, because I really believe that that builds a connection. I believe that that builds trust, and a connection between you and I, and that that’s the best way for us all to learn.

03:36          It’s how I learn best by sharing these types of things. And I believe a lot of people can connect to real life circumstances that are going on, and learn from that. So, let’s dive in. Now, as you know, about nine weeks ago, I lost my oldest brother in a tragic helicopter crash. And, I kind of want to start right around that timeframe, and lead up to where I’m at right now, with things like kind of not being okay, and like kind of how I dealt with things, because this is a really fascinating kind of thing that I had this like shift. I was like, “Whoa, this is… this is a big change in my life, and a big realization that I had during that time frame.” So, I want to back up to that point. So in January, I started a new company with my business partner Lauren. And, things were going really well, and when you start a company, you’re like kind of all hands on deck.

04:20          And we had people working for us and I think we were, gosh, what, two or three people working for us at that time. And then me working fulltime law and working full time around the clock. I mean, just really getting things up. We were scaling, we’re starting Facebook ads, we were doing all these different things that we were, um, you know, tried to steal the company. And so you know, to say that Kyle’s life ended at a very inconvenient time from a business perspective would be pretty, pretty fair to say. Now obviously like who cares? I mean it has nothing to do with, oh, that was inconvenient or I wish you would’ve died. Not nothing like that at all, but I’m just trying to paint this picture for you that says like, I was very, very busy in work during this time when this all went down.

05:00          And that’s an important piece to this as we kind of get further along into this. So things are very busy. And then on a Sunday night I go, I get the phone call and my life just shatters. I mean, like my entire life was going to be turned upside down. And little did I know how much my life was going to be turned around during this time. And so everything stops. I mean, I drop everything. Obviously, the funeral plans are made and whatnot and I kind of put work on hold now. Thankfully I had an awesome team and while you know, things weren’t entirely systemized yet, they were able to pick up a lot of the slack and deal with a lot of the things while I was gone. But after kind of the dust settled, we buried Kyle. I got back, took a day to breathe.

05:41          I had a decision to make because I had all this work and I had, you know, all these things piling up and quite frankly, I didn’t want to think about anything else. I didn’t want to think about Kyle. I didn’t want to think about everything that had gone on. I wanted my mind off of it. I’m like, my heart was broken, my head was in a bad space. Like I needed something to distract me from thinking about that. And so I went and I was like, well I can, you know, go and I could spend time with family, I could do this or whatever, or I could throw myself back into work and I could really dive in and get caught up with what I needed to. And that’s what I did. I threw myself into work to get caught up because in my head I was like, okay, listen, I’ve got all these different things going on.

06:22          My, my life has just been turned upside down. I need to do something that I love to do. I need to do something that’s going to get my mind off of this. And right now we’re building this company, we’re building this business. I’ve got to, I’ve got to deal with these things. And I knew that every other big scenario that had taken place in my life or big hard thing that I had to deal with with my life, it was taken care of by me throwing myself into work and like kind of using that as like this drug, whereas this mask to deal with things. And so that’s what I did this time as well. I went in and I, I went right back into the swing of work and I got involved and I was working again working 10, 12, 1415 hours a day, however long it was.

07:03          And in my head I was like, you know what? Listen, it’s going to be hard no matter what I do for the next couple of weeks. And I expected it to be hard for me for the first couple of weeks, but I knew that time heals everything. And I just thought, you know what, if I can just get through this hard part, if I can just get through the next couple of weeks, I will be okay. I’ll be able to move past this and while it’s going to hurt, while I’m going to grieve over it, I just wanted it to go away because I was hurting so badly and I just thought that time was going to heal things. Well, you know, during that time frame I was working a lot or whatever, but I was having trouble staying focused and as, as can be expected. And I just Kinda was like, you know what, I just lost someone is going to be hard and you know, I was crying and I was in tears, but I was trying to push through and push through and I was like, man, I just don’t feel like I’m okay.

07:46          And so I, you know, took a day and kind of thought about some different things and I was like, I really need to go reconnect with my family. That put a lot of things into perspective for me and you know, understanding the importance of what was important in life and, and I knew even when I threw myself into work, I knew that a lot was going to change for me and I knew that a lot of things that I was going to be dealing with now, my entire perspective was going to be changed and other things we’re going to become more important to me than work. But in my head I didn’t have the energy, I didn’t have the strength and I didn’t have the mental willpower to want to go figure all those things out right away. I just wanted to do something that I loved to get my mind off of it.

08:20          But like I said, about a week or two into it, I realized that I couldn’t do that. Things had already changed for me. Like my perspective had already changed. My priorities had already changed and I knew that restoring a relationship with my family and making sure that they were okay and spending time with them was important. And so I took a couple of days, I think I flew out on a Thursday, um, and it was like a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday I think I, I flew home, I spend time with each one of my siblings and my mom and I drove out and saw my sister and like I did all this and I was like, all right, I’ve spent my time with them. And like this was a good step in the healing process. It’s time to get back. And so I flew back and I started working in and I knew that one of the things that I really wanted to be able to do was to build a company that I could step away from or at least take a backseat to.

09:07          And it’s still run and me more manage and do important things than rather on the day to day things. And so my business partner thankfully was on the same track as this. And so we really doubled down on focusing on these things. We even put a little bit of our growth on hold and I was like, okay, we’ve got to build systems, we’ve got to get everything in place and we’ve got to get up, get everything to where that needs to be. And so we did and we built checklists and systems and created roles and departments and like all sorts of really different things. But I was not excited. And it got to the point where I was going and I was waking up, not excited about the day. And only thing that I could think about was, you know, my relationship with my family and, and thinking about my mindset and thinking about like, you know, the different things that are important in the world, that different things that we’re now important to me that I was aware of, since my brother had died and thinking about the things that he was working on and just having this whole entire perspective change and I really lost my excitement for life during all this.

10:02          I certainly lost my excitement for, for business and I lost my excitement for everything that I was doing. We were still doing good work and the company was still producing at a high level, but I was no longer excited about it. And at first I kind of just brushed it off, right? I was going through there and I was like, well, okay, this is going to be hard. I just got to get through this. I just got to keep pushing and keep pushing and keep pushing and keep pushing. And then I just woke up one day and I just remember laying there in bed and I just laid there till like 10 o’clock in the morning and I was just like, I’m not okay. Like I, I’ve, I’ve got to change. And I remember thinking, man, like everybody else has got it all together. You know what I mean?

10:40          Like I’ve watched other people go through death and it didn’t seem to mess them up this much. I’ve watched other people go and lose someone or something that’s important to them, loose, you know, a business or lose this. And it didn’t seem to mess them up this much. Why, why me? Why is this affecting me so much? And I thought that while I had seen some people were really, really messed up even more than me, other people, you know, a death of a family member didn’t appear online or didn’t appear based on what I saw to affect them as much as it was affecting me. And so in my head, I just thought I had to have everything all together. And I thought if I just pushed hard enough, if I just worked for long enough, if I just put my focus where it was and I just ignored the pain and I, she normally was there and I just went through it and got through it that it would go away.

11:26          And I didn’t know how to deal with the trauma of what had happened. I didn’t know how to deal with everything that had gone down. And I just remember sitting there thinking something has got to change, like something is really, really got to change. And I went through and I, I cried my eyes out that day and it was just like dealing with a bunch of different emotions obviously with my brother dying and whatnot. And at that point I knew, okay, I’ve got to make a change in my business because there’s no longer fair to my, you know, my business partner, my and my team. Like I’m not okay, I need to take some time and I really need to be okay. And that was a really, really hard thing for me to admit to myself because I’m Josh Forti and I’ve always been able to deal with things.

12:07          I’m the person that people come to for answers. I’m the people that find, or the person that, uh, find solutions. I am, you know, that person that has never needed help, right? Like I can just push through. I’m a tough dude and it was like this ego check in this pride check of me being like, no, you can’t right now. Right now you gotta be okay with not being okay right now. You’ve got to take some time and process. You just lost your brother. What are your best friends like you, you, you need time to work through that. And your priorities have all shifted. And when I realized that my priorities had shifted and that the number one thing that was most important meal in the world of growing busy, well not the number one thing, but like a huge role in my life of building businesses and being ultra successful and all these different things, like those things had so much less meaning and less pull on my motivation.

13:01          Now. So many things changed during that time and when I realized that I was like, okay, I’ve got to figure out what I want out of life. I’ve got to figure out if I’m still going down this road, I’ve got to figure out how to actually deal with things. And so I started reading a little bit more on the brain and on trauma and how the brain has dealt with trauma and how much that that can affect you. And I realized that this was like a really serious issue. Like this is a really serious thing that happens to people and it’s not just like a mental thing in the sense of like, oh, just work through it. Like there’s actual harm that happens in your body when you go through certain things like this. And so I sat down and I’ll, I’ll probably never forget this day, I really sat down and I was in kind of a mood and I wrote out an email and I wrote out, you know, kind of like this letter to my, to my business partner.

13:51          And I was like, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I like, I’ve got to take a little bit of a step back. I can’t be working 12 and 14 hour days anymore. I think, which time for us to test our systems and to, to really go through and see if I can take a step back in my business or in our business, my role in the business, and, you know, do the things that are important and, and do the important phone calls and the meetings and quality assurance and making sure that the highest quality things are produced, but, but not do so much of the every day to day operations. And so, you know, I wrote that letter and my business partner in my team is just, they’re amazing and they do such good work and uh, you know, they’re so, so capable of handling things and making sure the clients’ stuff is getting taken care of.

14:30          And I’m just so very blessed and thankful for them. But Lauren likes, she sat there and she’s like, Josh, of course. And Lauren had lost someone in the past very, very close to her. She lost her best friend years ago. She’s like, Josh, I, I know that you need time to heal. I understand this. And so we worked out, you know, with the team and we, we brought someone else in and we know we moved some things around it and we to go test our systems and, and you know, they’ve been working awesome, which has just been great. But I took a step back and I committed, I made a commitment that I’m going to be taking time off of social media. I’m going to be taking time off of work, I’m going to be taking a step back. And instead of working, you know, 12, 14, 16 hours a day, I’m going to work for eight hours a day, you know, depending upon the day or even maybe a little less than eight hours and really be taking the time to focus on healing and focusing on learning and focusing on, you know, studying the brain and studying, you know, what I want to study with religion and, and purpose and meaning in suffering and brain trauma and like all those different things.

15:27          But it took me first admitting that I was not okay first admitting that I was getting to this point in being okay with the fact that hey, Josh, you’re not superman. You’re no one special. You’re just like everybody else. And sometimes we as humans just need time to heal. And I will tell you at the time of recording this episode, uh, sometime has already transpired. I mean a post about it on Facebook a couple of days after I kind of made this decision and, and started that process. And, uh, it has been crazy to me how much I have learned and how much healing I has happened in like just so many different things have changed in my mindset, my perspective and, and the things in the processes that I’ve gone through since that time. And it’s not that, you know, the things that I were doing and it was doing in business where, you know, bad things or that I wasn’t excited about them anymore or that they were taking away energy from things that they wouldn’t, none of those things.

16:23          It was simply that I was broken and m healing in a place from losing a huge hole in my life, my brother and you know, being overwhelmed with trying to just move past the pain. And for those of you that are listening right now and the reason that I’m making this episode, there are so many times when we’ll look around and we’ll see everybody else on social media, like they have it all together. And that was me. I was the person that I looked up there and I thought everybody else has it all together. And I would look around at their cover photos are there posts or their screenshots or they’re this or they’re that. Or I listen to their content or watching the live streams and I’d be like, hey, they’ve, everybody’s got it all together. Or someone that I would know had gone through like something crazy and they post something on social and I’d be like, I’m really happy that they’re working all together.

17:10          I just got to work hard. I’ve got to get to that point. I’ve got to get to that point and it’s just not the case. That’s not the answer. That’s not the solution. Now I’m not saying that any little thing ever. You need to just take time off and oh, we need to, you know, you fell down and you bruised or someone said something mean to you and it hurt your feelings. You need to take time off. None of that is what I’m saying. But what I’m saying is is that we often go through very stressful things and especially as people that want more out of life and those that you know are going out and chasing their dreams, whether that’s in schooling or whether that’s building a business as an entrepreneur or whether that’s, you know, going out and trying to setting some personal record of fitness or whatever that thing is.

17:50          We often put a lot more strain on ourselves and a lot higher standards on ourselves that everybody else in the world does because the rest of the world doesn’t understand. A lot of the things that we deal with the rest of the world doesn’t understand the pressures of, you know, performing or the pressures that putting out an image or the pressures of, you know, going and holding your healthy self to these high standards. And you know, I wear this shirt that’s called misunderstood a lot because I feel as those of us that are out there chasing our dreams and doing more are often misunderstood. But because we’re misunderstood, we all also hold ourselves to this standard that is like, whoa, no human being can do everything. And when you have a traumatic experience happen, the loss of a loved one, a business failing, a relationship that’s broken and accident, some big traumatic experience or experience that happened in your life that you weren’t ready for it is totally okay and healthy and encouraged to take time to go and reflect on that and to take some time to take a step back.

18:52          And I, I think one of the things that I kept telling myself that made it okay for me because this was not an easy thing. It’s not like I just woke up one day and was like, yeah, I’m totally okay with taking a bunch of time off. No, I woke up one day and realized that I needed to, but I had to go through the process of admitting to myself that this was okay. And then not only after I knew that it was the right thing to do, do I just okay with it. I had to convince myself that this was a good idea. I had to convince myself that and really make myself believe that this was actually going to help me. And when I did that, then everything changed. But I went through this process of telling myself, Josh, you’re not going to be able to perform and you’re not going to be able to help others and you’re not going to be able to chase your goals if you’re still dealing with brokenness.

19:41          If you’re still dealing with things that are not healed, issues that are not resolved, people that you have to go back to. And if you’re not in alignment with your purpose and and with what you’re supposed to be doing, and where are you feel called to be and like what your passions are, if those are not in alignment, if and if you’re not healed, you’re not going to be able to go out and accomplish great things and you’re actually going to do more harm to yourself, then good and potentially more harm to others than good as well. Because when, when you’re in a state of not being okay, when, when you’re in a state of being broken, your mind doesn’t work right. It’s not that you’re, you know, crazy, but like you might see things differently or you might convince yourself of things and if you’re teaching those things to other people, that’s a very dangerous spot to be.

20:20          And so for me, taking this step back was a huge thing for me and I can, you know, committed to several weeks to where I wasn’t going to be full force in the business. And as I sit back on the last week and like look up how the, how the business is run, it’s been awesome. Like I’m even smiling talking about it because our systems and the car customer support is still good and the people that we’re bringing in, like he’s just awesome. It was really cool to watch the business grow and kind of do what it’s supposed to be doing even when I’m not like fully involved in it. And it’s just been really cool to watch this transitionary process happen. And so for those of you that are out there right now, that may be hurting, that might be grieving, that might have things that you know you’re not okay with in life.

20:55          Take some time, whether that’s a day or a week or a month and take a step back and go make those wrongs right heel where you need to heal, get help where you need to get help. If you need to go get a therapist or a counselor, go do that. If you need to go join a small group for support, do that. And I’ve done all those things. I’ve joined the men’s group and I’ve, I’ve gotten someone that I meet with on a weekly basis and we talk about things and those really, really help. And I can’t tell you how excited I am to come back, you know, in full force in, in a couple of weeks or a month or however long that is and really just pedal to the metal once I’m at a point where I feel like I can do that again. And it’s amazing how much I’ve already learned in just such a short period of time off.

21:34          And I’m just so thankful that I was able to get to the spot. And I wanted to share that with you so that you maybe can use this in your own life so that you can maybe help someone else that’s going through this. And my hope to you is if you’re in that spot right now, you would take the time that you need. And if you’re not in that spot right now, if your life is awesome and if things are going really, really well, you know it’s inevitable life. And you know what happens in life. There’s ups and there’s downs. The downs are going to come at some point and you’re going to have things happen. Maybe it’s not losing a brother or a sibling or a loved one, but maybe it’s losing a business or maybe, you know, an accident could happen or something could happen.

22:12          And so I want to say start preparing for that. Don’t be fearful of it. But if you’re a business owner, set up, uh, systems in your business and things in your business that allow you to maybe take a step back and you know, even if you’re making less money, you know, even if it costs you money to set up, set those things up so that you can take time to make sure that you can spend time with kids or family or parents or you know, a loved one that you can take time to heal. And if you’re not in business, maybe you’re, you know, in college or maybe you are, you know, going off and you’re big into fitness or doing some other goals or sports, put things in place that if something were to happen, you know, that you could deal with that. Whether that’s the support group, because doing it now and really starting to prepare for those things now you’re not going to get it all right.

22:58          But it’s gonna make things a whole lot easier when those things do come up. Be Okay with not being okay when it’s appropriate and there are appropriate times. Yes. Have tough skin. Yes. Keep pushing on. Yes, never quit. I’m not quitting. Definitely, definitely not quitting. In fact, I’m doing the exact opposite. I’m doing the necessary steps so that I can continue to push on and I want to encourage you to do the same. All right guys, that is today’s episode. Like I said, I hope it was a good one. I hope you loved it. Um, if you did hit me up on Instagram at Josh 40, we’re getting more and more messages from people and it has been awesome and I love it when you guys do the screenshots and share them on your stories and tagged me in them. Like all those things are just awesome and I love when you do it.

23:40          So hit me up on Instagram if you liked it or if you have any questions about this as always hustle, God bless. Do not be afraid to think different because those of us that think different are going to be the ones that change the world. I love you all and I will see you on the next episode. Take it easy fam. Peace.

23:57          Yo, what’s up guys? You’ve been listening to The Think Different Theory with myself, Josh Forti, which I like to call, “A new paradigm of thinking”, and real quick, I got a question for you. Did you like this episode? If you did, I want to ask a huge favor. See, the biggest thing that helps this podcast grow, and that will spread this message of positivity and making the world a better place, is if you leave a review, a rating and subscribe to the podcast. What that does is, it basically tells the platforms that this is out on, that you like my stuff, and that I’m doing something right. So if you could take like three seconds out of your day and subscribe, leave a rating, and a review, I would be forever grateful for you. Also, I want to hear from you. I want to know your feedback, your ideas, and your questions for future episodes. So be sure to hit me up on Instagram in the DM @JoshForti or via email contact@ThinkDifferentTheory.com.